There is a Way Out

Breaking out of the catastrophic thinking loop

Shallow breathing. Elevated heart rate. Inability to pull myself out of the train of thought that leads to an inevitable disaster. Catastrophic thinking is my brand; I am its faithful ambassador.

I have an impressive capacity to deposit all my mental forces into some particular matter, leaving everything else aside. More often than not, the topic of choice is a negative one as my internal planner doesn’t see a reason for pondering about positive outcomes. Everything good is cherished; it’s enjoyed and applauded when the moment comes. There’s no need to evade or prepare myself for a lucky strike.

When some somber prospect peeks from the corner, the analytics department of my mind machinery works non-stop to get around pitfalls. Although it is beneficial to think and act on the points in my power, my excessive scrutinizing of potential risks is often useless, even harmful. The infinite number of factors are beyond my dominion in many situations. So, I end up wasting my precious resources on an unattainable goal of controlling my life events. My ego can’t accept the fact that it doesn’t rule my world.

I’m spiraling downwards in the tunnel of overthinking, bumping my head again and again on my hardened, inflexible reflections. There’s nothing I can change in this very instant. The best thing to do would be to lay low in the comfort of acceptance of my own impotence. I could wait for the monster to appear and see if it is, indeed, as ugly as pictured by my imagination. Still, I keep taking hits, for there’s a faulty belief, ingrained in my core, that pre-emptive suffering reduces the pain of future harm. Over and over, this strategy proved to be wrong. I haven’t managed to cut through to the roots of such conditioning; I wouldn’t be able to sever the stem of indoctrination anyway. It is here and now that I can free myself from my hidden, self-centered despot.

Stop. Breathe deeply. Make your breath the only thing that is real, the only thing that matters. Feel the burn of fear, anger or shame — that fleshy sensation, located somewhere in your throat or in your stomach. Maybe it’s pulsating in your temples or shaking your chest with a drum of tachycardia. Acknowledge it, give it a name, and welcome it. That worry — your fixation — is storming your psychic landscape, swiping everything in its way, gaining momentum with every second you believe in its objectivity. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat. Feel. Don’t cling to visions or thoughts. Without the energy of your attention, they are nothing but unsubstantial ghosts with no body, no ability to touch you. Breath is your anchor, your flashlight in the darkness of your subconscious. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat.

At last, my lungs signal to my brain that there’s no more threat. The stone of tension in my shoulders lets me loose. All of a sudden, my mindscape feels more spacious. The horizon is clear; there’s no imminent danger. There has never been… There might never be…

© Masha Zubareva 2023

Big thank you to the team of Know Thyself, Heal Thyself for the space to share!

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