Trying To Find Myself

In this crazy insane situation, the world finds itself in

It is a crazy world we live in today, isn’t it? All the insane news reports we are hearing everywhere just makes everyone even more paranoid than we already are. Everyone is reeling from the insanity of the crisis.

I’m sitting here at my desk, realising that I haven’t written since January. There has been a lot of upheaval in my life since last year — losing my grandma, moving to a new house, trying to forge a new career path, losing my father. It has been an eventful 12 months.

Professionally, it feels that I picked the wrong time to start a new career path. But oh well; nothing much I can do at this moment except to roll with the punches. So before all this social distancing talk, I have been holed up in my house anyway. I had practice before everyone else.

I did ask myself: If I had a lot less work to do, why is it I am still not writing? Did I not always complain that it was the lack of time that caused me not to write? With being home all day, I still have yet to write a word since the end of January. Then it begets the questions: is writing what I really want to do? Is this really the passion I want to explore and dive into? What is causing my lack of writing?

The truth of the matter is, I don’t know. I am at a loss of what I want to do. On one hand, I am trying to figure out my professional plans so I know what I am supposed to do next. I’m trying a long list of different things so maybe I am too distracted to write (or even focus). My mind is always wandering all over the place. My bed beckons too often.

While on a normal day, this social distancing is right up my alley. But these days, I need a sounding board on where to go from here. I feel lost and aimless.

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