I Used to Love Sleeping but Sleep Paralysis Ruined That

Sleep turns scary when I’m trapped

For years, I didn’t talk about it. I thought something was wrong with me, so I kept it hidden.

When I trusted a friend enough to open up and tell my awful secret, I was disappointed by her lack of concern. I ripped open my soul and shared this dark disgusting “thing” about me, how could she dismiss it so easily?

It was years before I attempted to tell anyone else about the terror I experienced at night.

It’s known as Sleep Paralysis, but it’s really the Awareness During Sleep Paralysis that torments me.

We dive to different depths of sleep each night, the deepest stage is REM sleep, where we do most of our dreaming. To prevent us from acting out dreams and hurting ourselves, our muscles are paralyzed. When it’s time to switch cycles, our body becomes unparalyzed and we become conscious.

I can’t move. Or speak. I can hear what’s going on around me, and sometimes, I can see a tiny sliver of the room. I want to wake up, stretch, yawn, drink some water, get the blankets off of me, I want to move! The panic has set in, I try to keep breathing, I can’t even cry for help.

All I want is for someone to shake my body awake. I try to yell if I know someone else is in the room, but my words get caught in my throat, no noise comes out, my mouth won’t open. I can still feel my lips are shut and I can feel my hair draped across my face, which I would brush back if I could move.

It feels like an eternity. It’s terrifying and there’s nothing I can do.

The hallucinations are different for every person but are generally described as one of three main categories.

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