As Vain As I Wanna Be

I clothe myself with elegance meant for suffering spirits set apart to live in a different totality. As I slow with competition haunting me, receiving gifts occasionally, teasing and smothering my intellect so my ego is born at how fancy I can be with my beaded arm and fancy hat that I made for me when I forget I have advanced degrees and don’t want to speak... As my once powerful glow set the stage of life to let everyone know where safety lives, I spread out my matching outfits so that when I wake, I can decide how shiny I can still be when I’ve been forgotten (or never known) or admit that that might have never been me in my ‘know’. How shimmery my tanned skin can be making me to appear to have a natural glow when I wear no makeup except when my night discomforts makes me look puffy and uneasy so I choose colors fancy enough to brighten my look so that I become the star in my own fantasy. As I walk in the room and forget my worries and replace them with how I’m able to carry on without a hint of what’s really going on internally, I can pretend for moments that I am reborn in this slippery. As I slip on my Cinderella shoes and carry a back-up pair in case I feel my shake coming on and really want to dance to a song, I relieve myself of worry and move like a dove and continue with my flurry. As fly as I be for this momentary… where I allow modesty to overarch all of the overwhelming thoughts overshadowing me (pssp, “She ain’t cute… Look at what she got on…”), I overdo it anyway with too much personality and believe I can actually live like nobody is ever watching, looking or even staring at me for that moment. Might seem as vain as nobody’s business, vain…

While somebody you know be watchin’ me, while somebody you know be framin’ me, while somebody you know be doin’ me, while somebody you know be seein’ me, while somebody you know be sayin’, “…as even I wanna be.”

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